I actually had most of this entry typed and ready to go a few days ago, but on the advice of my wife and the Holy Spirit (sometimes those are eerily similar) I decided not to. I had written the beginning and then deleted it. What was left my wife said "just didn't sound like me." It just didn't work because the intro was missing. In the intro there was (and is) a part about my dad. My dad died almost two years ago. Even though he is not around I still believe that it is my duty as his son to honor him. My fear was that what I wrote would in a small way dishonor him. Me writing this preface is my way of making sure that you know that my dad was an honorable man and a great father. I think he would be honored knowing that I have learned from him (both good and bad) how to be a dad.

My dad was not the type of man that many people would want to argue with. At the front of that line were his children. For the most part we did what he said when he said it with little hesitation. If one of us ever got up the courage to ask "why" he would gruffly respond with "because I told you so." This was good enough reason for us and we would do it. I think this is very healthy. I thank God that my dad taught me that fathers should be respected and obeyed. In Ephesians children are told to "obey their parents in the Lord" because it's "right." God says that children will be blessed for obedience to parents. However, fathers are instructed to not "exasperate" their children which means causing them to be resentful or even angry toward us. There were times as I got older that I would get frustrated because my dad would not communicate much more than "because I told you so." I never openly challenged my dad on anything, ever. Internally, however, I wished we had a relationship where I felt free to talk to him about things. By God's grace we developed this as I became an adult and father myself. We had a real relationship. As a father myself I have learned there are many other negative things to avoid that could prompt my children to become frustrated like being absent even when at home, making unreasonable demands, smothering them, yelling, or not loving my wife. I should try to avoid this at all costs in order to promote their obedience. Proverbs gives us a clue about something positive we can do to avoid exasperating our kids and build a relationship with them. Apparently, what we say can be overshadowed by how we say it. Look at these verses from Proverbs 16

21
"The wise of heart is called discerning,
and sweetness of speech increases
persuasiveness."

23
"The heart of the wise makes his speech
judicious
and adds persuasiveness to his lips."

24
"Gracious words are like a honeycomb,
sweetness to the soul and health to
the body."

If we are wise and discerning fathers and mothers we will add sweetness to our speech that will make our children want to obey. This is pretty cool if you think about it. God is telling us that just talking in a nice way as we instruct our kids and treating them with dignity and respect will cause them to want to obey us. The application is not only for parents, but it fits for bosses and employees as well. I don't think God is saying there isn't a time and a place to lay down the law and speak with force. Before God my kids are called to obey me no matter what, but whenever possible I need to to direct them with words that will spur them to obey with a happy heart rather than clenched fists. The word that comes to mind is: RELATIONSHIP. The goal is that we would put in the hard work to build a loving relationship with them so that they do what we say because they love us and trust us. Can you think of a better way to picture Christ to our kids?

Travis